the F word: an Art activity
by: kiara, art host
i believe that we have all experienced shame when it comes to the F word.
or should it be F words?
Friends .. Family ..
i’ve gotten to a place in my life where i need to know what all my priorities are,
what my beliefs are
and what my morals control in my life.
this is how my mind works...
when things are spiraling out of control, i begin to plan every last detail,
and almost immediately remember that i am NOT that way
better said, i DON’T want to be that way
I do not want to plan all parts of my life because that will not leave room for any spontaneity (wow that was a hard word to spell, def can’t sound that one out)
more than ever, i am completely focused on enjoying the calm.
“leave the mess kiara, enjoy the kids, laugh with your partner, PUT the fucking phone down!”
practicing to be calm can take a toll on me, especially because i have a long history of anxiety.
when the tea kettle starts going OFF in my brain, thats when i know its time.
its time to revisit the Foundation, my foundation
and by foundation i mean friends and family
because i know that something must be OFF there.
full transparency warning!
i have a hard time separating my friends from my family.
i always expect to turn my friends into family
& i am noticing now, (the Universe is screaming loudly!)
that its not possible, there’s a reason the two exists, Friends and Family
they can come together like water and oil,
chill out for a bit,
but they can never be mixed into one.
as much as i’ve tried to FriendFam my friends and my family,
i’ve began to accept that my mother is my mother
my father, my father
my sisters, my sisters
my friends, my friends.
it takes a lot of trust and vulnerability to get to a point in our lives where we can treat our friends like family
and it’s even easier to dump them the moment they break that trust
it seems as if, we’re willing to kick em to the curb wayyyy sooner than an out of pocket family member.
why does that happen?
why does trust and vulnerability always lead us back to the F word?
why does it lead us down a path of, “is this person or situation even worth it?”
what a messed up balancing act!
i can attest that i have friends who i love dearly and still i struggle with that shove and pull
because i know in my soul that they are my closest thing to family
blood couldn’t make us any closer
or would it?
how about when family becomes too toxic, do we need to push them to the side & love from afar?
what happens when friends are your saving grace?
do you question your loyalty,
i pose these questions to you and myself.
i understand the shove and pull is just the tea kettle getting too loud cause i’ve been ignoring…
its the tea kettle who alerts me that things are getting TOO hot & it’s time
time to settle down,
time to gather,
time to reflect,
time to check in on my growth!
& when i run through this list
but never do i bring them to life the way i know how to.
it’s important for me to visualize.
it’s even more important for me to put it down on paper,
through words or graphics.
i know its my therapy.
but i push it to the side because other things take priority over it
or so i believed.
& here we are, the F word, Friends, Family & "Fuck it all, I need a time-out for at least a month."
In my case, it was a week, but a productive one.
I wrote, on this page you're reading.
I created Art that I am not ready to show
& found therapy in being a photographer (using that word very loosely cause YO! photography is no joke & i am NOT on that level. Kudos to ALL photographers. RESPECT!)
here's to putting YOUR therapy first
whatever it may be…
cheers to rarely putting your therapy last!
write out!! draw out!! your and only your priorities, beliefs, & morals!!
forget about the noise & rules & norms.
set yourself free, on that page
**feel free to send us what you come up with. we’d love to see, or hear but most importantly feel your work.
send to email@example.com or comment below!
seek refuge in your dreams,
kiara, your art host